Jan 11 2009
Why am I my Mom’s Caregiver?
This question came to my mind recently. Why am I my mom’s caregiver? It’s not that I had a burning desire to do this. It’s not that we have always had a close relationship, and this is something that Mom and I both wanted. Really, it’s something that I feel I had to do by default.
I remember growing up how Mom was obviously dependent on my dad to earn the money and run the household. However, Mom’s world was turned upside down when my dad left and eventually filed for divorce after 20 years of marriage. I was only nineteen at the time, so Mom was learning to lead her own life about the same time that I was. It took some time and adjustment, but Mom managed and seemed happier to be more independent.
By the time Mom’s mental state really began to alarm us, I had already established my own life with my husband and our two children. Mom was living about an hour away in Indianapolis. For a while, I think I was in denial. I wanted to believe that she was doing okay on her own and didn’t need any help. My husband saw what was really going on, and he said he was really worried about her.
I had to face reality. Mom was deteriorating. I did not know what was wrong, but I knew that she was not taking care of herself and getting the medical treatment she needed. Who would help her if she was not willing or able to help herself? My dad had moved on with his life after their divorce. He had since remarried and started a new life. My sister was living thousands of miles away in
Arizona. Mom still had some sisters living, but they were getting older and had their own health issues to worry about. So, by default, it was to be me. I needed to help take care of my mom, more as a responsibility than a choice.
As i am always toched by your blog, i feel that we have choices in life( that is my opinion).
And i believe that you have chosen this responsibility, because you are a wonderful person, as well as you husband.
I wish one day i would have a wonderful caring duaghter like you
Thank you for your kind words, Dania. Your right, we did choose to do this, and thank goodness my husband is supportive.
You seem like a wonderful person. I’m sure anyone in your family would care for you if you needed it.
Your mom is very lucky to have you … and you are teaching your kids some pretty valuable lessons as well
Thanks, Flit. Yes, I hope my kids would be willing to take me in if I ever needed it! As hard as it is on them sometimes, I think they are learning about tolerance and unconditional love.