Feb 22 2009
Keeping Mom Happy for My Son’s Birthday Party – Part 2
In yesterday’s post, things were not looking good as I was getting ready for my son Tyler’s birthday party. Despite all of my best efforts, Mom had not taken any of her medication and she was already angry with me. Since she has Alzheimer’s disease and suffers from dementia, her behavior can be very strange and disruptive. I did not want her behavior to ruin my son’s birthday party.After she told me she would just stay in her room and pretend she wasn’t there, I left her room to finish getting things ready for the party. Yes, I was angry, and I thought that maybe it would be best for her to go ahead and stay in her room so she wouldn’t say anything to upset anyone. I probably would have stayed angry and dwelled on it for awhile, but I got a call from our renters that the furnace in the house wasn’t working. I quickly had to shift gears and call the furnace repairman before their office closed for the day.
After I made arrangements to get the furnace looked at, I walked in the living room and saw something that made me laugh. I had moved our two doggy beds from upstairs to the living room. I washed the blankets that we keep on them and arranged them nicely. My hope was that the dogs would lie on their beds and not try to get on the couch while the boys played video games. What was funny was that two of our cats had decided to take naps on the doggy beds. I knew that Mom would think it was funny, too, but I was tempted to just leave her alone since we’d had our little spat. I decided to take the high road and act like nothing had happened. I knocked on her door and cheerfully told her she needed to come out and see something. She came out, but I could tell she was still mad. When she saw the two cats curled up on the huge dog beds, she couldn’t help but crack a smile and laugh a little, and then she went back to her room.
Shortly afterwards, one of Tyler’s friends arrived. Another was going to meet us at the bowling alley, and I was going to pick up one of my daughter’s friends on the way so things were still pretty low key at the house. I was piddling around in the kitchen, and I needed to open the cabinet where we keep Mom’s medicine. To my dismay, I saw it was completely gone. I had worked so hard to get her to move the medicine to the kitchen, and I knew if I didn’t address this now it would be even harder to get them back out of her room later.
I needed an excuse to talk to Mom so she wouldn’t feel threatened. I went to her room with the day’s paper in hand (reading the paper is one of her favorite activities) and knocked on her door. While consciously keeping a happy demeanor, I asked her if she wanted to see the paper. She was sitting on her bed holding her calculator. She didn’t look up, but she did nod yes. “What month did I move in here?” she asked. I told her the month, and I noticed she had entered the amount of money she gives us each month to help with her expenses on her calculator (this is a topic for another post, but briefly - when she’s mad at us she sometimes questions why she has to give us money. It is a fair amount that we agreed on when she moved in, and if we were rich I wouldn’t take a dime. When she’s not mad, she tries to offer more money to help out and I have to tell her no thanks). I started to ask her what she was doing with the calculator, but I knew that would start a disagreement. Instead, I asked her if she had brought her medication to her room to take them. “Yes,” she grumbled, “That’s why I need them in my room because I don’t see them in the kitchen and I forget about them.” I reminded her that she forgot about them even when they were in her room, and that her doctor wanted me to help her with them. I saw they were on her nightstand, so I just picked them up and told her I would take them back. I asked her again if she had taken today’s medications. She answered that she had taken the Zoloft (”Thank you, God,” I prayed silently), but she was afraid to take the others with the Aleve tablets. I didn’t want to push my luck, so I said that was okay and left her room carrying all of her medication.
- My Son - Keeping Tabs
- Day 9 - a birthday party, my friends and their two cents
- Sticking to my diet while hosting a birthday party!
- My plans for my daughter’s 1st Birthday party
- Arizona Child Protective Services, Pima County (AZ/DES CPS) False allegations of Child Abuse, Using my Disability as Excuse, Not making reasonable efforts to return my son, abused him Tucson Arizona
It sounds like you are trying to do an awful lot.
Do you have anyone that can help you out?
Does your mother go to Adult Dat Care?
Do you put her meds in one of those little boxes that has a box for every day? You could just fill one or two boxes and give that to her to keep in her room. It would give you a way of knowing whether she took her meds without having to make an issue out of it.
Marilynne
You sure do have a lot on your plate. I am glad that your Mom was able to get a chuckle out of the cats on the dogs bed! Taking the high road isn’t easy but you seem to be very good at doing just that!
alzheimersideas - My husband helps me out a lot, and we haven’t tried adult daycare yet. I’m sure we’ll consider that as an option in the future.
maxiegirl - You think like me. Her pill box does have the days of the week and I found that each day pops out (each day has sections for times of the day). I told her that each morning before I go to work that I could set out her days pills and her patch on the kitchen counter where she will see it. I really want to avoid her taking them back into her room because she never put them in the same place and had trouble finding them.
slcolman - Thanks, but honestly I’m really not that good at taking the high road. I’ve just learned it is so much easier to swallow my pride that to try to prove to Mom that she’s wrong. I don’t have the time or energy to fight with Mom on everything, so I try to save my energy for the important things.
Humor always helps in a difficult situation, but it’s something that we often forget!
You really have your hands full and my admiration for all you handle everyday.
I’m glad you were able to find a way to diffuse the situation with a little bit of humor. It really helps to be able to find humor in the small, silly things that sometimes happen in life.
adult day care would probably be a very good idea…. we wanted to send ma, but by the time she got to the point where we could manipulate her into going without a fight, she was no longer continent, so they wouldn’t take her.
stupid rules, here, I thought… if she wasn’t wearing depends, she could go (and make one hell of a mess) …but since she WAS wearing them in case of accidents they wouldnt allow it…. DUH!
in Ontario, there are homecare services available at no charge though… we were able to have up to 18 hours a week which was SO important … meant I could continue to work and take courses.
I saw your comment about helping your mom with her meds. I understand now. I’m glad your mom asw the humor with the cats. Hope the party went well.
Roxie
You are invited to sign the Recovery Wall
Roz - Thanks, a little humour really does help lighten things up!
thehabe - Thanks, fortunately not all days are this stressful!
laneerg - Yes, there’s nothing like a funny cat moment to crack up a tense situation!
laane - That sounds like a good way to help your son learn to be responsible for his own medicines. Right now, I am trying to set out the day’s dosage, then it’s up to her to decide when she will take them.
flit - Those rules were stupid! That’s like a daycare with no diapers! Yeah, I know it would be quite the battle to try to get my mom to go to an adult day care center. I would hate to think that when I would need it the most and when she would fight it the least that I couldn’t take her! That is great about the 18 hours of free homecare services. I need to find out more about what is available in my area.
Casia - Yes, it is tough, but I don’t really have anyone besides my husband who can help to give me a break. This weekend, we need to go out of town overnight. I think Mom will be okay with my neighbor home is she needs anything. Thanks for the birthday wishes. I hope your daughter had a great birthday.
Roxie - Yeah, the meds are a bit tricky with Mom right now. Today, she told me she had taken one, but I saw it was still in the pill box. She actually thanked me for helping her to realize that she still needed to take it. Yes, I can always count on our cats to do something cute and funny. The party did turn out well, thanks!