Caregiving Daughter

Last weekend was the first time we tried having someone come over and stay with my Mom.  Mom’s Alzheimer’s has not progressed to the point where she needs a lot of assistance, mainly just companionship.  After spending a lot of time finding a sitter for Mom, we asked a teenage relative to stay with her while my husband and I went out.  Overall, this past weekend went well, and I think this will be a good arrangement for future occasions.

The day after she stayed with Mom, I learned a few things that I know need to be worked on.  The kids said that Mom kind of took over and did things the way that she wanted.  She told them that the dogs needed to stay outside (even though she knows we let them in).  She also closed all the windows after I told her to keep them open.  These were not big issues in any way, but I do want our sitter to be able to be in charge and be able to assert herself if Mom does something that is not safe.  I thought that maybe next time I could try leaving a few written rules.  Maybe this would keep the sitter from being the bad guy.  The bad guy would be me!

The OTHER problem is a bit touchy.  The next morning, Mom asked me how much we paid her to come over (she was awake when my husband gave my relative some money).  I told her that we gave her $46.  Mom covered her mouth and started giggling.  She explained that she ALSO gave her and her sister some money.  She told me that she wrote each of them a $10 check.  “Mom!  Why did you do that?” I exclaimed (which I wish I had not done because now she will try to hide it if she does this again).  I explained that I was the one who asked her to come over and I was paying her.  Mom said she didn’t know if we were going to give them any money, and they were “such sweet little girls.”

Now, I don’t entirely fault the girls for accepting the money.  I should have realized that Mom might do this, and I should have talked to them about this beforehand.  I’m sure that Mom insisted, and they would have felt rude to say no.  I know that Mom wanted to do something nice for them, but I can’t have her giving them money when we’re already paying them.  What if next time Mom wanted to give them $50?  What if she started trying to give money to the UPS man or the electric meter reader?  At some point, I will have to take her checkbook away, but in the meantime this could be a problem.

Isn’t it funny how you can solve one problem then more pop up?