Caregiving Daughter

Alzheimer’s disease really does some strange things to Mom’s memory.  Some things are just totally gone.  Like what she ate for breakfast, or the simple question she already asked five minutes ago.  Other things are remembered, but they are twisted and distorted.  It’s like a mad movie producer cut out parts of the reel and filled them in with snippets that don’t belong or make sense.

A view months ago, I wrote about the issue we had when Mom mistakenly thought my daughter’s friend snapped her picture without Mom’s permission.  Her friend was holding up my daughter’s cell phone reading a text message, and Mom thought she was holding up the phone taking her picture.  Since they were laughing, Mom thought she took the picture and they were laughing about it.  Some of this paranoia and fear of people staring at her stems from issues she had in her childhood.

Since this incident, Mom has become fixated on this poor girl.  I’ll call her “Emily.”  Emily has been friends with my daughter Angel since kindergarten.  She’s a very nice girl, and I’ve always enjoyed having her over because she is so well behaved and respectful.   I hoped that after awhile the picture incident would blow over, and Mom would forget about it.  Unfortunately, she remembers it quite well.   Now, she even “remembers” new things about Emily that proves she is one bad girl…

About a month and a half ago, Mom went with me to watch Angel participate in a cheerleading performance.  Her group performed outdoors at our community’s Relay for Life event.  When it was over, we chatted for a few minutes with the other girls and their moms, then we left to go home.  Mom seemed like she had a good time and enjoyed being out.

A few weeks ago, Mom started asking questions about that day.  Who was the lady that I was talking to?  Was it Emily’s mom?  I told her that no, I was talking to someone else.  Emily and her Mom were not even there.  Mom shook her head.  No, she saw Emily, Emily WAS there.  Mom then proceeded to tell me what happened.  I was walking ahead of her and I was talking to a lady.  Mom saw Emily and another girl walking toward her.  Emily stared at her, then she held up her hand to whisper something to the other girl, and they started laughing at her.   I told Mom that I knew Emily was not there.  I said it must have been a different girl, and they were probably whispering and laughing about something else, not her.  As usual, Mom could not be swayed, so I left it alone.

Last week, Angel’s class had their sixth grade graduation.  Mom went with us, and she smiled and clapped for all the kids as their names were called (even for Emily).   Afterwards, they served refreshments and Mom and I were off by ourselves eating.  Mom was looking around, and she asked me which one was Emily.  Of course, I did not want to point her out to Mom, so I told her I didn’t know where she was.  She continued asking about her.  What was her last name?  What was she wearing?  I started to get annoyed, so I went to go mingle.  As we were leaving, we talked for a few minutes to Emily and her family.  Mom had no idea it was her.

The next day, Mom was talking about the graduation.  She said, “I hate to say this, but I noticed that not too many people clapped for that Emily.”  I sighed (here we go again), “No Mom, everyone clapped for Emily.  Everyone really likes her.”  Mom shook her head.  No, she insisted that hardly anyone had clapped for her.  She said she kind of felt sorry for her.  Then she asked, “Now she’s the big, heavy-set girl, right?”  I sighed a deeper sigh, “No Mom, she’s small and slim, she’s not heavy at all.”  Mom started to go on some more, but I told her I did not want to talk about it anymore.

In a couple of weeks, Emily and eleven other friends will be over for Angel’s birthday party.  I’m sure there will be a lot for Mom to remember…