May 23 2009
Caregiving Son-in-Law?
Some days, I wonder if my husband knew what he was getting himself in for when he married me. When we said our vows, we thought that “for better or worse” and “in sickness and health” referred to each other, not our parents!
I really have to give him credit. I’m not sure if I could do the same if one of his parents needed to be cared for in our home. His mother passed away before we met, but I got to know his dad quite well before he passed away five years ago. My father-in-law was a really great guy and a wonderful grandfather to our kids. But I have the feeling that if he would have moved in with us, it would not have been easy for me.
My husband does really well with Mom. He’s very patient and he is able to just walk away if she does something that makes him angry. The only real “hot button” issue with him is if Mom is mean to our dog Biscuit. Biscuit is our yellow lab, and he is VERY close to my husband.
The other day, he told me something that he had been worried about. He said wondered what if (God forbid) something were to happen to me, and I were suddenly gone. Would he have to take care of Mom all by himself?
Wow! I couldn’t believe he was thinking about that, and wondering if he would be expected to continue caring for her. I assured him that IF something like that were to happen, then he should call my sister. Mom would either have to move in with her, or she would have to find good assisted living for Mom. I told him that he has done enough by being supportive and helping me care for Mom. He definitely should not feel that he should have to bear that burden alone if something were to happen to me.
I still think he would help if he had to, but he seemed relieved to know that I do not expect him to be a caregiving son-in-law all by himself.
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I can relate and you have a super wonderful husband. We lived with my mom’s dad and that man Hated my dad and me. Dad paid all the bills, stood by mom, and helped take care of her dad. This man never had anything good to say about Daddy and when I stood up for my dad, well, that is when he hated me as well. Anyway, Daddy was strong, loving , forgiving, and we took care of her dad. At first it was little things like couldn’t park in our yard any more. We had to park across the street. He could turn my dad in for whatever he could think of , etc. When things really got bad,we moved, but only across the street, so Mom could continue to be there for her Dad. Then the time came, I don’t remember really what happened, but I believe he just couldn’t take care of himself any longer, and Mom couldn’t handle his demands, that my mom and 2 of her brother’s made the decision to place him in a nursing home.
So you definitely have a husband that stands with you, beside you, and every woman should be so lucky. You are blessed.
It sounds like your DH is kind of like me. I can sometimes come up with questions weighing on my mind about a situation, which once expressed to another person, surprises them greatly, mainly because they’d never even thought to wonder about it. I take after my mom a bit on that.
Terre/Amelia - Thanks! It’s good to hear from you. Yes, I am very blessed to have a husband who is so helpful and understanding.
laneerg - Yeah, that’s funny how some people can have deep thoughts about something that no one else considered.
Quadmama - Thanks, yes it is nice to know that DH is taking the situation seriously and thinking about things that could happen.