There still are a few things that Mom does that I think are positive and good for her.  One thing is that she likes to read.  She will read our local newspaper from cover to cover.  She also enjoys some magazines like Reader’s Digest and the weekly newsletter from the church she used to attend.   Sometimes, she even gets out the phone book and spend hours pouring through the names looking for people she knows.

Another positive activity for Mom is spending time with the cats.  I really believe that pets are great for Alzheimer’s patients.  Mom loves spending time with them and helping out with their care.   They really bring a lot of enjoyment to her life.

Mom also likes to work outside.  She’s afraid to go out unless we are home, because she’s so suspicious of someone lurking in the bushes watching her.  When Mom does go out, she works by picking up sticks and sweeping off the porch and deck.  Lately, Mom has even been joining us when we go out to pick the wild raspberries.

Going to Church is another favorite activity of Mom’s.  Sometimes it’s a challenge to get her up and moving early enough so she’ll be ready, but when we make it she is really happy.  It gives her a reason to get dressed up and be around other people.  Mom loves the singing, and she sings a lot of the old hymns she’s familiar with around the house.

I really glad that in spite of suffering from Alzheimer’s, Mom still has some activites she enjoys that she can participate in.  We’ll do everything we can to ensure Mom will be able to participate in these activities as long as possible.

This past week, we cleaned it out and laid down a large piece of carpet remnant.  We moved up some chairs and Angel’s T.V. with a DVD player.  It would be the perfect place that her and her friends could be silly and have fun without disturbing Mom.

Mom did alright with the party because she knew about it well in advance.  She was worried the entire time because she had lost her keys.  She said she had used them to lock up her file cabinet (she was afraid that one of the party guests might go through it).  After she locked her cabinet, she did not know what she did with them.  I was super busy finishing up with the party preparations, so I didn’t have the time to help her look.  I tried to assure her that they would show up, and if I were to run across them I would let her know.

During the party Mom kept mostly to herself.  The few times we was around the girls, she would ask what their names were.  After Angel opened her gifts and they all went upstairs, Mom asked me to name each girl who had been sitting around the table.  After I named them all, she asked if Emily was there.  (Emily is the girl that Mom does not like because she thinks she took Mom’s picture one time without asking her).  I told her that Emily wasn’t able to make it because she had to play in an out-of-town softball tourney.  Mom raised her eyebrows and went, “oh…” like there was another reason she didn’t come.  I left it alone and didn’t say anymore.  I’ve learned it’s easier to let Mom think what she wants to.

Today after all the girls got up and left, Mom finally found her keys.  They were lying under her bathrobe that was folded up in her airmoire.  She was relieved that she found them, and that no one had been able to go through her file cabinet.  I was relieved that Angel and her friends had a good time.

A view months ago, I wrote about the issue we had when Mom mistakenly thought my daughter’s friend snapped her picture without Mom’s permission.  Her friend was holding up my daughter’s cell phone reading a text message, and Mom thought she was holding up the phone taking her picture.  Since they were laughing, Mom thought she took the picture and they were laughing about it.  Some of this paranoia and fear of people staring at her stems from issues she had in her childhood.

Since this incident, Mom has become fixated on this poor girl.  I’ll call her “Emily.”  Emily has been friends with my daughter Angel since kindergarten.  She’s a very nice girl, and I’ve always enjoyed having her over because she is so well behaved and respectful.   I hoped that after awhile the picture incident would blow over, and Mom would forget about it.  Unfortunately, she remembers it quite well.   Now, she even “remembers” new things about Emily that proves she is one bad girl…

About a month and a half ago, Mom went with me to watch Angel participate in a cheerleading performance.  Her group performed outdoors at our community’s Relay for Life event.  When it was over, we chatted for a few minutes with the other girls and their moms, then we left to go home.  Mom seemed like she had a good time and enjoyed being out.

A few weeks ago, Mom started asking questions about that day.  Who was the lady that I was talking to?  Was it Emily’s mom?  I told her that no, I was talking to someone else.  Emily and her Mom were not even there.  Mom shook her head.  No, she saw Emily, Emily WAS there.  Mom then proceeded to tell me what happened.  I was walking ahead of her and I was talking to a lady.  Mom saw Emily and another girl walking toward her.  Emily stared at her, then she held up her hand to whisper something to the other girl, and they started laughing at her.   I told Mom that I knew Emily was not there.  I said it must have been a different girl, and they were probably whispering and laughing about something else, not her.  As usual, Mom could not be swayed, so I left it alone.

Last week, Angel’s class had their sixth grade graduation.  Mom went with us, and she smiled and clapped for all the kids as their names were called (even for Emily).   Afterwards, they served refreshments and Mom and I were off by ourselves eating.  Mom was looking around, and she asked me which one was Emily.  Of course, I did not want to point her out to Mom, so I told her I didn’t know where she was.  She continued asking about her.  What was her last name?  What was she wearing?  I started to get annoyed, so I went to go mingle.  As we were leaving, we talked for a few minutes to Emily and her family.  Mom had no idea it was her.

The next day, Mom was talking about the graduation.  She said, “I hate to say this, but I noticed that not too many people clapped for that Emily.”  I sighed (here we go again), “No Mom, everyone clapped for Emily.  Everyone really likes her.”  Mom shook her head.  No, she insisted that hardly anyone had clapped for her.  She said she kind of felt sorry for her.  Then she asked, “Now she’s the big, heavy-set girl, right?”  I sighed a deeper sigh, “No Mom, she’s small and slim, she’s not heavy at all.”  Mom started to go on some more, but I told her I did not want to talk about it anymore.

In a couple of weeks, Emily and eleven other friends will be over for Angel’s birthday party.  I’m sure there will be a lot for Mom to remember…

I really have to give him credit.  I’m not sure if I could do the same if one of his parents needed to be cared for in our home.  His mother passed away before we met, but I got to know his dad quite well before he passed away five years ago.  My father-in-law was a really great guy and a wonderful grandfather to our kids.  But I have the feeling that if he would have moved in with us, it would not have been easy for me.

My husband does really well with Mom.  He’s very patient and he is able to just walk away if she does something that makes him angry.  The only real “hot button” issue with him is if Mom is mean to our dog Biscuit.  Biscuit is our yellow lab, and he is VERY close to my husband.

The other day, he told me something that he had been worried about.  He said wondered what if (God forbid) something were to happen to me, and I were suddenly gone.  Would he have to take care of Mom all by himself?

Wow!  I couldn’t believe he was thinking about that, and wondering if he would be expected to continue caring for her.  I assured him that IF something like that were to happen, then he should call my sister.  Mom would either have to move in with her, or she would have to find good assisted living for Mom.  I told him that he has done enough by being supportive and helping me care for Mom.  He definitely should not feel that he should have to bear that burden alone if something were to happen to me.

I still think he would help if he had to, but he seemed relieved to know that I do not expect him to be a caregiving son-in-law all by himself.

When I was growing up as a small child in the 70’s, we lived in a small ranch-style house in central Indiana.  I used to spend a lot of time playing outside.  One spring, we had a cat that had a litter of kittens.  I was on the porch looking for them when I heard a one mewing, but I couldn’t find it.

I looked around for the kitten, and I figured out that the mewing was coming from the top step to the porch.  Our house was built on a hill.  The porch was built out of concrete blocks and it had concrete steps starting near the door to the basement going all the way up to the top of the porch.  The back of the top step had three small holes (for ventilation,  I guess).  The mewing was coming from those holes.

Once I realized the kitten was  in the steps, I ran in the house to tell Mom.  She was sitting down talking on the phone.  I excitedly tried to tell her that one of the kittens was under the porch.  At first she tried to shush me so she could continue her conversation (this was back before cordless phones).  I insisted that she needed to come out, so she hung up to see what was going on.

We went out to the porch.  By now, the mama cat was on the step meowing back to her kitten.  Mom knelt down and looked into the dark holes.  She tried reaching her hand inside, but she couldn’t reach the kitten.  She said we would have to wait until Dad came home.

As soon as Dad pulled in the drive in our green station wagon, I ran up to tell him about the crisis.  He assured me that we would find a way to save the kitten.  I wasn’t worried.  I was still at the age where I believed Mom and Dad could fix anything.

First, Dad tried to move the concrete slab that covered the porch.  He had someone come over to help, and they heaved and pushed for hours to try to move it.  It didn’t work.  They left a huge crack in the concrete, but the slab wouldn’t budge.  The kitten would have to stay under the porch for the night.

The next day the kitten was still mewing for help.  It sounded like he was further down.  When Dad came home, he had another idea to rescue the kitten.  Since the porch seemed tightly enclosed, he thought if he filled it with water, the kitten would float up to the top where we could reach it.  He stuck the water hose in one of the holes and let the water pour in.  This idea didn’t work either.   All the water ended up leaking in the basement.  The kitten had to spend another night alone in the cold (now wet), dark porch.

By the third day, the kitten’s mews were growing weak.  I was still confident that everything would be okay.  I knew Mom and Dad would figure out something, and the kitten would be saved.   Looking back, Mom and Dad were not acting confident.  They had stopped reassuring me that they would save the kitten, and they were talking quietly to each other when I was around.

It finally occurred to me that the kitten had not been able to eat for three whole days.  I asked Mom how the kitten would be able to get food since it was stuck down there.  Mom thought for a minute, then she announced that we would get some food to the kitten.   She reached up in the cabinet and pulled down a tall plastic cup.  She poked a hole in it with sharp scissors and tied a string to it.  She poured a little milk in the cup and went out to the porch.

Mom knelt down on the step and slowly lowered the cup down the hole.   She waited for a minute, then slowly pulled the cup back up.  She smiled over at me and said, “I think I caught a fish!”  When she pulled the cup out of the hole, the kitten was inside the cup!  After three long days alone under the porch, the little kitten was safe.  The mama cat cleaned him up, and we gave him food and lots of love.

I know that Mom must have felt so good knowing that she saved the kitten.  She was able to do something that my dad had not been able to.  Not only did she save the kitten, she lived up to my expectation that she could make everything be okay.